burn out

I am having some MAJOR burn out feelings!! Some days are fine other days I just want to dig a hole and crawl in it. I know having a large family there is a lot going on and a lot to deal with but lately OMG its on over load or maybe its just that I haven't really had time to sit down and deal with everything thats been happening in my life in the pass 6 1/2 months. either way I am loosing myself!!! Some days I dont even bother to get dressed I enjoy the days I DONT have to go out and I dont have to get dressed I was always the type to make sure I was dressed and looked nice when I went out even if it was to the drug store well lately I will go out in sweats and relize when I get there that hey I didnt even brush my hair today and I dont care..now thats bad. I just feel as if everyone wants something from me and I dont have much more to give. Samantha is doing pretty good with her diabetes even if right now her numbers are all over the place. The Dr said her honeymoon phase is just about over so that is common till it ends then we can try and I say try to regulate her. She starts the pump in less then 2 weeks which makes me nervous since its all new to me, its kind of like when she first was in the hospital with the diabetes I was in the dark about everything I feel that way again :O(
Crystal is doing well in her recovery and doesnt need as much help but instead has me running 3 times a week to take her to therapy and at least 2 or 3 more times a week for errons and once a week for dental visits good thing this is durning the day, but I still have to pack up the baby make sure he is fed before we leave ( I am not nursing him as much as the others since I am on the go ALL the time and I feel sad for that) then I have to get the now 4year old ready and hope that he is going to be nice the whole time..for the most part he is great and I cant complain.
Rachel has softball practice right now 3 times a week after school so I have to pick her up and she has praise group 2 times a week so I have to take her there plus she has a club on Mondays after school ( same day Samantha has singing) so I pick her up from there then swing by and grab Samantha at her school. So I run all day then a short break and start in the evening again..ahhhhhh
Rachel is been sooooooooooooo moody and has been taking it out on everyone in the house but me. I am the one she complains to about everyone and everything. I am happy we have a close relationship but its hard because right now the things that bug her is her family and I dont feel she is right in the things she says to them or how she reacts to things she is just down right being mean to everyone and thinks it them..well maybe about 10%is them but she is being about 90% of the problem. I love her to death but I dont know what to do for her..she is just mad at the world and this was my sweet child that would bend over backwards for anyone, She is upset that my time is going to Samantha and Crystal and will tell me that she is jealous I try so hard to make time everyday for just her I think that its making her worse because she even more resents the time I have to make a call to Samantha's Dr for something or take Crystal to her therapy its getting bad just more pulling at mom and making me crazy!!!
Then we have David he is doing great but soon he will be deployed to Iraq I am not sure how to handle that one...I try not thinking about it but in the back of my mind its always there. I know that where he will be going is an airbase and he works on planes so he will not be in combat plus they say that base is like huge there is restaurants and stores everything he will need. He went out and bought a computer so he can talk to us every day via Internet, I am thankful for that..
Anthony is doing good but you know how a 17 year old boy can be..at times Chuck and him butt heads but nothing that bad.
Adam is Adam he is still pretty childish got to love that in him..in fact when I am having a bad day I can just look at him and see in his eyes that innocent look like duh way is mom upset
Dillon and Nicholas and Steven are at each other all the time its like trapped rats this winter is lasting way too long. Nick and Dillon are forever in fights about dumb things like who got up first, or why does Dillon think 2 weeks out of the year he is 3 years older then Nick instead of 2 years 2 weeks older..just because Nick was still 9 while Dillon was 12 already.rolling my eyes here!!!!
Steven I dont know what is his deal he is happy if he can get Christopher crying over something..makes me crazy
Then there is Chuck and I. He is trying so hard I know he is I just dont have the energy right now. He comes home from work makes dinner and sometimes cleans up his mess then he will relax and just as I get all the kids in bed he jumps up and wants us to shower and go to bed and of course he doesnt want to sleep. I know after 26 years of marriage I should be happy he still wants me ALL the time but thats just the problem its like he wants me they want me everyone wants me I dont have down time...I would just enjoy if after I get the kids in bed I could just sit and watch a show, or do something that I dont HAVE to do. Sorry this is just a rant and rave post I just need to get it out and if your still reading god bless you have more streangh then I do..lol But really life itsnt that bad its just I am being pulled all the time and I just need a break.
Recap of the pass 6 months
Samantha gets diabetes in late Aug
David and Crystal gets in a major car accident the FIRST day he was home on leave in Oct
Rachel starts with problems and wants to see a therapist ( she is feeling dumped on by friends and family)
Me I am pregnant while this is all going on..had my sweety Dec 20th
Hubby and I were at each other much better now.
Now my mother in-law is sick Drs dont know what is wrong with her