I dont even know where to start. Its been a week since Samantha got out of the hosp she is doing very well so much better then myself. I always thought of myself as someone who could hold a lot together but I dont know any more I feel like I am being pulled in so many ways and everyone wants something. Its really starting to wear on me. Trying to remember to make appointments and to get them all on different days so not to over lap, to remember Samantha's shots on time, planning meals, figuring out her carbs, and oh those lovely 2 am blood checks.. I am not complaining about taking care of my daughter its just that I am doing everything myself while everyone else acts like things are the same old way here.. That mom will do dinner, laundry, shopping, cleaning and take care of Samantha while they play on the computer goes to school going to work, goes out with friends or what ever else they do. I worry that when I go some place I need to be home by this time or that, that when I do go out to bring all of the stuff Samantha might need to be checked, it just on my mind all the time and it seems that its not any anyone one elses. I am starting to feel bitter over this bear hunting trip my husband has coming up 8 more days its the only thing on his maid and the only thing he does anything for. It just makes me think wow you get a break from daily life to relax to be with the guys..that will not happen for me for a long time I worry that when I go into the hosp to have the baby who will take care of Samantha I cant trust her dad not right now he never has counted her carbs or planned a meal. yea he knows how to total up her carbs and to add the blood sugar and how much insulin she would need and how to give a shot but thats about it he doesnt know what kinds of things to give her or how to plan for meals or what to even give her for snack and why sometimes I give certain kinds of snacks and just think I have a little less the 3 months to TRY to get him to do these things. The school that one I dont even want to talk about right now makes me mad even thinking about it.. and Monday I get to have round 3 with them.
I guess right now I am just having a petty party for myself god thing I am the only one invited to this party..I just need things to slow down to have a day I dont have to see a Dr not one of mine, not one of the kids no one in a white coat, a day not to have to run up to the school, a day not to have to run up to the store for just one thing ending up with 20 I just need a day to stay home and clean to do something normal!!! Since we I say we because I stayed the whole time with Samantha in the hosp anyways since we have been home I have not stayed home one day I have had to go to the eye drs for 2 kids, the ped dr for Samantha ( dont know why guess he wanted to feel in the loop) 3 dental appointments thankful all in one day, and the school several times a day for the pass two days and they still want me to come many times a day for the next week or two.. I JUST WANT TO STAY HOME...oh and NOT to have the phone ring off the hook would be a nice thing too, tired of faxing the Dr, his mom calling me daily for check up like I dont know what I am doing..ok so I dont yet but I am learning and she is clueless to all of this so how can she tell me what I need to be doing???? my mom has been such a god sent to me the poor women gets all my vents.. what would I do with out mom :O)
Saying Goodbye To My Niece-In-Law
8 years ago
1 comment:
Oh Debbie, I just came here to check up on how your pregnancy is going - wasn't expecting to read anything like this. I don't have any experience with this, but it must get easier with time. Are there any kind of support groups for parents of diabetics, maybe? If so, you might be able to get helpful tips for daily life from people who have been through it already for a while. It's so hard when our babies are sick or hurt. My littlest guy broke his elbow badly just before Christmas and had to have emergency surgery at 2 am to put in 3 pins. That was our first and only hospital experience and it seemed like the end of the world at the time. I think I must have cried for hours on end while we were there, so I sort of know how you feel. Hopefully you'll get some help from the family soon. For your upcoming birth and the issue of being away from Samantha, have you ever thought about having a homebirth? Anyway, rambling on here, just wanted to offer some hugs too.
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